problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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