The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
