I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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