On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize