tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
