Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
