I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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