either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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