I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
