i think my mom watched the whole time
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
