We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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