I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
