I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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