and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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