you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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