Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize