I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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