How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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