Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
