I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
