How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
