I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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