He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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