Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
