had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
