next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Randomize
