all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
