before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my sisters under your porch take her home
only you would photoshop your dick
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
