I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
