The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
