so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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