literally had 100 drinks last night.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
