Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize