The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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