it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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