Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
