So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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