Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
