She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
