I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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