Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize