i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
