somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
