Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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