Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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