the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
