wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
They should really pass out barf bags in church
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
