i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
