She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
