Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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