Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
