i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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