this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
