it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
