If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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