I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
