I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize