so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
