I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Drunk is not a location!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
