____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
