My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
