so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
it was like eating out sand paper
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
