how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
