yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
