You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
