I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
