Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
