Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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