Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
