Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
