how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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