Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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