Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
