Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
