I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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