ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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