i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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