i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
