I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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