Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
