if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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