It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
