Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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