I smell stomach acid.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
