sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
