Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
