My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
