Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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