I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
