I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
