whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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