There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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