Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
where are you?
Hypothermia
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
