its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
