You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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