Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
