after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Terrible idea I love it
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
