idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
