Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
