I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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