so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
