I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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