I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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