He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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