every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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