i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize