I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
