you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
