ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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