I skipped work to stalk him.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
