Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
